Category Archives: Angelchroniclestories

The Energy of Souls

Me

“I guess I died, huh?”

Angel

“Yes, you did, well you didn’t die, your physical body died. It got old; you had a few strikes against you by not taking care of your health. It was mostly a good life and got better towards the end, you accumulated a lot of wisdom. I am proud of you.”

Me

“Is the Source proud of me?”

Angel

“The Source doesn’t know you. The Source only creates life. It is up to you to find your love and happiness, either here in my arms in the Universe, or in another body when you decide to reincarnate.”

Me

“Do you mean I am not loved by the Source or the Universe? They do not care about me?”

Angel

“The Source created you and equipped you with all the ingredients for you to love yourself and for you to love others. The Universe is the store of all knowledge, yours and everyone and everything else from the beginning of time. That is enough. There are souls who have loved you in the past, here in the Universe, and during your stay in a human body when you have reincarnated and now that you have passed, those who love your memory.”

“Some souls you have met along the way have become soulmates. With them you have a special loving relationship, which nurtures the both of you and affirms you are becoming a complete soul yourself. Then, of course, you have me, you love me and I love you. This is one of the roles angels play as we travel with you on your eternal journey.”  

Me

“What do I do now?”

Angel

“You have some choices to make, they are your choices, yours and yours alone. You will need to decide if you want to reincarnate again, or do you want to fly with me in the Universe forever?”

Me

“I have more work to do, I am not ready to fly forever, I still can help others. Tell me again how I will know when it is time to reincarnate?”

Angel

“You have been here in the Universe before. You will use the wisdom of the Universe to find your way to reincarnate into a human body again when you are ready. You are in a state of pure energy. You have no physical form. The Source has prearranged it so your unique energy is yours and yours alone, it is your exclusive energy. You are now in the Universe, a place so immense you may never come across another soul for what could be an infinite length of time.”

Me

“Will I be able to connect with the souls of those whom I have loved and have come here to the Universe before me? Will I find my beloved parents and sisters? Will I be able to be in touch with my beloved Peg even as she has not passed at this time? Will I find my soulmate here, or can I connect with my soulmate even if she is still on earth in the body that she called her own when I met her?”

Angel

“Your questions are natural to ask, because you have not achieved the state of having received total wisdom.”

Me

“How am I to reincarnate if there are no other souls to lead the way?”

Angel

“Dear One, the Universe will supply you with the knowledge of reincarnation when you are ready to go to another human body. You will know when, the Universe will sense that time and supply all the help and direction you need from other souls when your time comes. As long as you have work to do, reincarnation will happen naturally for you. There will be no concern for time or timing, reincarnation is automatic for those who wish to continue their work.”

Me 

“Will I eventually come here to the Universe and live forever with you? When will my need to reincarnate stop?”

Angel

“You will sense a time when your knowledge is so great, when you no longer have to ask questions, when you know the answers. Your purpose will change from reincarnating to teaching. Your soul life will become important to the Universe in the role of a teacher. At that time, you and I will live here in harmony and bliss, here in the Universe forever. This is when your role of becoming a complete soul ends and you will serve the Universe’s highest purpose: teaching other Souls to find their highest purpose.” 

Nepenthe

Nepenthe

Then Helen, daughter of Zeus, took other counsel.

Straightway she cast into the wine of which they were drinking a drug

to quiet all pain and strife, and bring forgetfulness of every ill.

Homer’s Odyssey mentions the drug of forgetfulness or nepenthe.

Like many in Greek literature and mythology, sorrow comprises much of my real life. But sorrow, like my muse, is needed by me to see that I must make a change. The medicine to make me comfortable with my sorrow is creating something from the depth of that sorrowful emotion, which will be new, it will have the potential to be a promise.

Out of the garden of chaos, new and exciting potentials grow; most become so involved with their distress that they miss the potential. Great changes for the better, start with a sigh, a whimper, and the determination to carry on to a better place.

The Source has made it so that all living things change and renew themselves. Everything is in the process of change and renewal, including things we do not consider to be living such as the Earth itself and the Universe, everything is living. The renewal begins with a small change, as in the smallest change in the DNA of the next new cell growing in my body. If I am uncomfortable with the process of change, nepenthe is a drug, a medicine to help me cope.

Rather than forget my sorrow, I use it as the foundation, the bedrock of the new potential, the new promise. Nepenthe used in this fashion is very restorative.   


The Universe a long time

Time

She is a wonderful young woman – we are so much alike in thought and so far apart in age. It just isn’t our time.

My time, your time, what time, time flies, no time, a lot of time, a long time. Every other time saying you can think of is all part of the way human beings perceive living in our natural world.

This perception of time is related to the spinning of the Earth on its axis giving rise to the 24-hour passing of day and night, and the Earth circling the sun every three-hundred and sixty-five days, which makes our calendar year.

Measurement of time in this fashion was primarily so employers could count on a specific number of hours and days devoted to production by workers and employees. The focus was on the hours that would be put to use by workers, and in this way eventually narrowed the time scale down to hours and minutes of production.

The scale of time was longer in agriculturally based economies as time was measured by the number of hours of daylight and the changes to the growing cycle. This longer time frame is more in line to what I see is the direction our human society will be embracing in the not too distant future, once we learn to cooperate on longer plans.

To be effective, plans such as creating less harmful ways of generating energy, will require cooperation and the acceptance of long stretches of time. Plans, such as cleaning up the oceans and not causing harm to the other living creatures, will require cooperation of many others on our planet. Currently these dreams seem very far off. Human beings have yet to grasp the concept that we are all in this together, we share the same systems and have a great deal to gain from what I call ‘grand-scale cooperation.’

For my purposes, there is more to the explanation of time: I believe there is also a different kind of time, which I shall call the Time of the Universe.

The popular explanation of the creation of the Universe dates the beginning of that creation as thirteen billion years ago of our knowledge of ‘time.’

What if the Universe has its own measure of time on a very different scale? Perhaps this is the second creation of the Universe. Perhaps the Universe began, expanded, contracted and fell in on itself and exploded out again. Perhaps the Universe reincarnates as I do. If so, then I would have been by this way many times. Perhaps the thirteen billion years goes by in a blink of an eye on a Universe timescale, just as my life goes by in a blink of an eye on my human timescale.

I believe the Universe is a living thing that lives on an entirely different timescale. It is life in its own way: a way we seldom understand. For example, the Universe is constantly creating suns from the smallest particles that are attracted to each other and eventually accumulate to such a size, the gravitational pull compacts these particles until they start a nuclear process that burns them up, they explode and cast particles into the space to start the process over again.

In the Universe right now, trillions of stars are in some stage of this creation and dissolution, a process which takes billions of years; a long time, but a form of life nevertheless.   

I want to believe in that form of life, because I understand my human body will not last forever. Only if I believe my Soul will be living forever, will I be able to make sense of the loss of my human body after such a brief life here on Earth.

It makes little sense for me to believe that the definition of living things is very similar to the way humans and other animals live here in our world. The Earth could go on for another billion years being the home for some kind of living organisms long after human kind and many other animals go extinct.

Essentially – life is ebbing and flowing on many different timescales. I can only know one of them, or can I?

The problem as I see it is many only understand the timescale that relates to their own human lives. Our lives may live and die in relationship to our understanding of the length of an average human life. That average life span now is about 84 years for men and 87 years for women. Those times are lengthening out as humans begin to take better care of themselves, get better nutrition, and develop the skills to defeat disease and aging.

These years are the life span of a human body, but not a life time of a soul. A soul may have an infinite life span. A soul may live longer than our Universe.

My soul has access to the wisdom of the Universe. Some of that wisdom I am in the process of depositing into the Universe as I write these words. Some of the wisdom was deposited into the Universe by others recently or decades or millennia ago. This information is what living things access to keep their lines alive for a long time.

When I consider our Universe has a life of its own, no matter how foreign that life may be to my understanding, I draw the conclusion my soul will circulate through the life of the Universe stopping frequently here in earthly bodies as part of my soul’s journey. My soul may have been here on Earth many times in the past when Earth became hospitable to human life.

Humans are now embarking on a plan to form colonies of human lives on Mars. We are looking for signs that Mars may have, at one time, hosted life. Not a ridiculous idea; merely a significant possibility. We may be able to duplicate the conditions for human life on Mars to the extent of living there in a way closely resembling living here on Earth without resorting to significant restrictions to freedom of movement and human interaction.

This will take a long time as measured using the current timescale of human life. It is a drop-in-the-bucket on the timescale of the Universe. I propose human beings will become used to the idea of this much longer timescale and the new Humans, which we are becoming, will think and plan on this new larger timescale. This will happen as life expectancies of humans increases, and the knowledge of the reason of human existence gets shown to us once we can demonstrate to the Source that we are capable of living in harmony and share a common vision of what human life is about.

We are getting closer to gaining this knowledge once we all understand we are interconnected to a bigger Universe and have the responsibilities of not only ourselves to be concerned with, but the responsibility of being a good conservator of the place we are living now, planet Earth.

Taking care of Earth is an important step in moving on to a distant world. If we can’t take care of living here on Earth, we will not be able to take care of living elsewhere. I believe it is common for human beings to move on to new concepts without spending the time to fully resolve problems with their old possessions, systems, living standards and locations. If we do not fix Earth before relocating, we will only wreck the same havoc on some other planet as we have done here. There is time to fix all this before we find out that the way we did things in the past will only lead to poor results in the future.

It is natural for human beings to blunder ahead, that is how we get new concepts to work, and important positive changes to our lives to transpire. The next evolution of human beings will have to be far more careful to manage the task of change. Genius only goes so far – the Universe will not be tolerant of our shortcomings for very much longer.

To arrive at this new place of understanding the following conditions would have to exist. We would have to stop fighting with each other and develop and share a common vision of a harmonious world, here, or any other place humans will call their own. We are getting closer. I believe the next step is when humanoids evolve into a new human life form, one where each of these new humans automatically knows through their DNA encryption how to get along with each other. If the past is any predictor, this new human is still thousands of years away in its development. The new human will have to live in harmony with the last of the old humans, which is going to be a daunting task.

Time – living anew; she lives.

Alison

“Alison, you have a choice,” his words rang out loud and clear in my ear. “You can go with me, or I will turn you loose and you can take your chances with the rioters and the secret police. You saw what happened to your friend just now.”

He had a tight grip on me. His right hand firmly over my mouth, and his left arm around my ribs just below my breast, a position he knew would make it difficult for me to breathe.

I could smell the kerosene on his hand and the acrid smoke of the firebombing around us with the little air I was able to get in through my nose. An image of my coworker with a bullet through her forehead came immediately to my mind.

“I’ll go, I’ll go,” I mumbled. “Just let me get some air.”

He relaxed his death grip on me. I was able to turn sufficiently to see that he was a large, strong man, not very handsome, his face had many scars, fighting scars. With a simple twist of his arm, he could easily kill me.

“Follow me,” he commanded still grasping my arm.

I suddenly realized even if I had taken the training course offered by the hospital on how to protect myself from an attacker, it wouldn’t have helped: I would have been a goner, killed while feebly trying to protect myself. In all my years at the hospital I had never come across a brute of his strength and size.

“Where are you taking me?” I gasped.

“To him,” the hulk replied. “Stop talking and come with me as fast as you can. We are going back into the hospital and out through back doors of the emergency room.”

I didn’t have a choice, he spun me around and pulled me alongside of him.

“Outside the intake doors of the ER, we have an ambulance ready to bust out the back gate of the hospital. The gate is locked, my men are ready to blast it open.”

He used his elbow to activate the ER’s main doors. A guard came at us from the security area; with one jab to the guard’s throat, my attacker disabled him and crashed him to the ground. The guard had no idea of who he was up against.

“Did you kill him?” I gasped.

“Maybe,” he said. “Don’t have time to fool around.”

The nurses and physicians were in shock at seeing what had transpired. They stepped well out of our way as we raced down the corridor to the intake area. I looked back to see a physician bending down to attend to the fallen guard.

“My bag, my bag, I can’t leave that behind.”

“Yeah, you have something we may need.”

A heavy object attached to his gun belt banged against my thigh. It was my handbag, I was relieved, I had the next in the series of cellphones in there, which he had given me, so I could call him for help. 

No one followed us. The intake doors opened – another big man stood by the rear of a running ambulance.

“I’ll get in the right side, the kid will drive,” he said loudly over the noise of the idling diesel engine. Directing his attention to this second very big man he yelled, “Get her in the back and make sure she doesn’t give us any trouble. Be careful, our orders are to deliver her in one piece.”

“What’s happening?” I stammered.

“We are getting out of the Metropolis, as fast as we can, before the Woman’s Police Force catches on that we have you and comes looking for us.”

He unlatched the rear doors of the ambulance, the second very big man jumped in dragging me behind into the rear of the ambulance.

I didn’t have a chance to sit down before the ambulance was underway. We screamed out the ER intake road, then lurched over the median toward the back gate.

The second big man, attacker, or savior, I didn’t know which, held me from falling over. He pulled down seats folded against the ambulance bulkhead and said firmly, “Fasten your seat belt, it’s going to be a wild ride.”

We raced through the parking lot, I couldn’t see where we were going, only where we had been.

Our speeding ambulance came to a quick stop, tires squealing.

I heard a loud explosion, metal parts rained down on the roof of the ambulance. The driver accelerated aggressively.

“That must be the explosive destruction of the rear gate,” I thought to myself.

Bam! We hit the gate solidly. With a mighty jolt, the steel gate yielded immediately to the weight of the speeding ambulance. I was glad I had my seat belt on. We came to another quick stop. The rear door of our ambulance opened, another brute got in and lay on the floor. I surmised he was the man who blew the gate open.

“Go. Go,” the floor man screamed to the front seat occupants.

The driver activated the horn and siren, I could see reflections of the emergency lights in the windows of the buildings as we passed at great speed out onto the street.

“They sure built this one strong,” announced floor man, as he rested his head on a jump bag filled with bandages and meds. “An old 4.8L V8 engine, 285 horsepower, 295 foot pounds torque, they don’t make them like this anymore.”

In a sick way it was humorous, here I was with four nasty guys, out running many other nasty guys or gals, I am not sure which, who wanted to kill us, and one of us was talking about the size of the engine in our stolen ambulance. Gotta’ love life!

Our ambulance headed out onto the freeway. The traffic was normal for this time of day, an equal number of vehicles moving in both directions.

“Why aren’t any emergency or police vehicles converging on the hospital?” I asked.

“They are converging on the front of the hospital. The revolution has just begun. The government is suppressing the news so the public will not become alarmed and they are hoping to get the riot at the front gate under control before the public finds out. The government doesn’t want to attract attention to the hospital. But, this time, they are going to have their dirty, deceiving, divisive hands full.”

Floor guy consulted his watch, large-faced and sturdy – just like him, built to ‘take a licking and keep on ticking.’ It was an uncomplicated watch, just the basics, the dial visible in any light.

“The second and third wave of the revolution is starting now,” floor guy yelled over the roar of the speeding ambulance, directing his remarks mostly to me. “They are on the south side of town, at the Capitol, and out in the Big Glass area, which will soon get the attention of the public and the word will spread outside of the accepted government channels. The government won’t be able to contain this riot now.”

“Big Glass, isn’t that where all the medical research takes place? Why would the revolution want to fight down there?” I asked.

“Big Glass is research all right. The wrong kind, it’s where the male specific virus was developed and a sperm bank,” floor hulk replied.

“Come again?”

“Big Glass is where the genetically engineered sperm are housed, you know, the ones that fertilize eggs with only female DNA,” he answered rather thoughtfully. “His job is to expose that program to the public, and to overthrow the current government and see to it that a responsible democracy is restored.”

“By his job, you mean the man I’ve been seeing?”

“You must be very important to him. He sent us to get you. I protested it was too dangerous an undertaking. He wouldn’t hear anything of that, then he arranged this confrontation at the hospital’s main gate, so we’d have a diversion to get you out. I have to admit, it has been very effective.”

We rounded a corner and a Hollister umbilical cord clamp dropped on macho floor guy’s chest. “Ewww,” he squeaked, brushing the clamp away.

I laughed out loud.

He ignored me and continued,

“After you snooped in your coworker’s computer, the government discovered the remnants of the selective virus study were still available on the old system platform. The government had assassins ready to abduct you both this morning at your respective homes but since the revolution foiled their plan, snipers were sent out to shoot you in the hospital parking lot. We got one sniper, but it was too late to save your friend, although it was better that she died, instead of being tortured for information. You would also have been tortured, in a very horrible way. These people are very effective; they even film the tortures and show them around to keep others from straying off the line. 

I turned my head as we continued on the freeway in a northerly direction. Watching out the back windows, I saw a large billboard, the center was painted with a symbol of a woman’s snake-entwined raised fist, the political statement of the resistance. I began to know where we were on the highway, I recognized some of the exit signs as we whizzed by.

“Why are we going in this direction and for that matter, where?” I asked nervously.

“We are going to leave the Metropolis through the North Quadrant, then ditch this ambulance and take our own Humvee out into the unregulated territory. They won’t follow us, too dangerous for them, our Minute Men snipers pick them off from long distances. Plus, the government is almost out of money, they conserve their resources by policing the Metropolis. If they find out we have you, and we are getting out of town in this

ambulance, they will launch a missile from a drone to blow us up.”

The hulk sitting next to me turned away from floor man and addressed the men in the front, “Yo, were you able to defeat the GPS and the transponder?”

The right-hand man turned, looked directly at me and explained what we were up against. “I cut some of the wires to the electronics that were obvious, I doubt if I got them all. We’ll ditch this vehicle once we get through the old border crossing in the North Gate, which has never been well supervised. It’s unlikely the government could arrange guards on such short notice, they need the ‘manpower’ to defend themselves against the revolution. In the event they were able to recruit loyalists at that off ramp, we have our rapid-fire Uzis’ – they will die. Simple.”

The thought of the automatic weapons sent shivers down my spine. “I don’t like guns,” I stammered. He stared right at me as if I was the reason people were going to die. Maybe we are all going to die; I don’t want to, especially before I can see him one last time: goodbye my friend. My face screwed up and I began to sob.

“Look lady, I know this is hard on you. You must really have a hold on him. I have never seen him so determined to get you back safely. He didn’t want to sacrifice you to the government. We are very good at this, it is what we do. Killing is part of our game, kill them before they kill us.”

I turned my head to face my rescuer. He went on to explain. “You know how Old Farm Rd. feeds off the highway? And then where Old Farm intersects with Old Pond? I have a Humvee under a bush pile on the Old Pond road. The three of us will get out about a half mile from the road intersection and walk through the bush to its location. Loverboy here, has volunteered to act as a diversion.”

“Why him?” I asked the hulk who was busy unlatching my handbag from his gun belt. “Why don’t we just ditch this ambulance on the other side of the border? We can all walk to the Humvee together.” I sounded as if I knew what I was saying.

The hulk pointed to the driver. “Loverboy has made up a plan, it’s his to carry out. He thinks if they send a missile and take out the ambulance they’ll assume they killed all of us. He will slow down, jump out of the ambulance, leave it running in auto drive and it will continue moving up the highway. He’s a fast runner and he’ll then run down the Old Farm road and meet up with us at the Humvee.”

I had stopped crying to listen and looked over to see the driver in the front seat. Loverboy, if that was his real name, was a teenager, thin and frail, his acne didn’t have time to get better, he was that young.

I took a chance to speak, directing my words to Loverboy, “Is it really all right with you, did these men twist your arm?”

“Ma’am, it’s okay. I may be young, but I’m part of the team. Don’t you worry about me, Ma’am, I can take care of myself.”

I turned and sat staring into the back of the ambulance. “Strange, this vehicle’s sole purpose is to save lives and now, to kill.”

“I know what’s on your mind,” the hulk said. “No one wants a revolution but we tried to negotiate a condition where the current government would concede control to a newly elected democratic government with all new people, a balance of men and women this time. But they didn’t want to give up the power and affluence they had gained and told us they would hunt us down and kill us, which, as you know by now, they are in the process of doing. They never realized he had a second plan in the event they wouldn’t agree.”

“Who is he?” I asked. “Is he that powerful that he can start a revolution?”

“Yes he is. I’ll tell you more later,” the hulk answered, this time in a softer and more concerned tone of voice.

Loverboy slowed down and took the Old North exit ramp. At first, I thought we would just drive off without incident, then I heard the men in front talking.

Right side man instructed Loverboy, “Looks like they stationed Loyalists along the exit and closed it with cars. Pull up close to them and slow down a bit; I’ll shoot them up and they won’t know what the Saint Mary to do. Ram the blockade! Now!”

We slowed, I could see out the windshield that a group of women were carrying rifles and standing in front of cars.

Right side man pulled an automatic weapon into the opened window; he raked the front scene with continuous gun fire. Half went down from his shots, the rest fired back. The women in the street quickly took cover behind the stopped cars on the highway; it did them no good.

Loverboy hit the accelerator and slid down below the dash with just enough height to see where he was driving. Several shots from the loyalists penetrated the top of the windshield, ricocheting wildly into the back of the ambulance, which then rammed the parked cars, spinning them out of the way and tumbling the Loyalists onto the highway.

Loverboy drove clear of the carnage, then swerved to the right, the hulk opened his door and jumped out. In a walking crouch, he fired automatic weapon bursts into the collision site on the ramp.

He systematically shot and killed the women who were still living after the initial fire fight and collision, including a woman who put her hands up in a sign of surrender.

He walked among them administering a coup-de-grâce to the head of each of them. After plucking a radio from a dead woman’s hand, he walked backwards, facing the wreckage with his weapon ready.  

“You murdered her,” I screamed out, while floor man held me down. “She tried to surrender!”

“Lady, that was no woman.”

Ogden

4014

Asthma

I was gasping for breath. What caused this? I thought to myself. It’s that dream, the dream I’m drowning.

Margie and I had a deal. If I got in trouble during the night, I was to wake her.

“What’s up with you?”  Angel asked mind to mind, as she alighted on the bed. Angel has been part of my daily life for seven decades, a gift given to me by the Universe. She pops in and out of my day faster than a steam locomotive.

“I’m in serious trouble,” I answered.

“Why don’t you wake her?”

“I know, I know,” I said, becoming more worried as time went on. “It must be the altitude out here, and the stress of the flight, I haven’t been breathing this poorly for years. I didn’t suspect my asthma would be an issue.”

One of the hallmarks of coming from a dysfunctional/abusive childhood home is being independent to a fault. Now my propensity not to ask for help could derail the trip I am so looking forward to.

The rhythm of Margie’s breathing changed.

“Oh no, did I wake her?”

After a long day of walking back and forth to the train station and seeing the sights of the celebration in Ogden, Margie would need a good night’s sleep.

“Get your rescue inhaler!” Angel asserted.

I reached out to the nightstand and found my flashlight, the one with the lanyard, the one I keep especially for this purpose, the purpose of lighting my way in unfamiliar surroundings.

Using my elbows to help me slide to the headboard, I put a pillow behind me and sat up. By this time, I was taking rapid, shallow breaths.

“That kind of breathing must stop, you’ll hyperventilate. Sit on the side of the bed and catch your breath.” I listened to Angel’s gentle guidance; Angel’s my Intuition. 

Finding my emergency inhaler on the nightstand, I made several deep inhalations of Albuterol. It wouldn’t take too many minutes for the inhaler’s medicines to work. In the meantime, I formulated the plan: If my normal breathing couldn’t be restored by the inhaler, I would wake Margie, get dressed, and call 911.

In the past, I practiced a regular breathing exercise called `boxing my breath,’ a process of taking in a breath for several seconds, holding my breath, exhaling and holding my breath again, over and over, at least four times. This usually restored my normal rate of breathing.  

It is not the lack of air that is the total problem, panic leads to hyperventilation and possibly passing out. I don’t panic easily, or at least I haven’t, despite the many difficult adverse experiences of my past. I pride myself on this.

Pride goes before the fall. 

I don’t do well alone – especially at night, I never have. My recently acquired adult asthma added another layer to my nightly discomfort and convinced me that I needed help from those I love and trust. No more macho-superman stuff for me.

Carefully rising from the bed, I steadied myself against the wall and made my way into the bathroom.

I closed the bathroom door and turned on the light. Finding my long-acting cortisone spray, I took two deep puffs and held my breath to the count of ten after each one.

These are miracle drugs, I thought to myself. Within moments my breathing became less labored.

“Who is this man?” I said out loud to Angel who was standing beside me as I looked into the vanity mirror. I always wondered if the person I saw in the mirror was really me. Looks are always so deceptive.  

“It’s you, don’t worry you’ll be fine. I am with you. Believe in me, you are loved.”

Although I could not see Angel, I felt her presence. I sat on the toilet lid. My breathing slowed and my lightheadedness passed. I turned out the light and quietly opened the bathroom door and made my way back to bed. Sitting upright, I listened for Margie. Her breathing rhythm seemed normal. I sat up for an hour; for you see, remnants of the nightmare are still flooding through my veins and now I am in what I call ‘the zone,’ an in-between area, the nightmare and the real world. And I ask myself, which is the worse of two evils – a night without sleep or a double nightmare night.

After 60 long minutes, I felt better, rolled flat and fell asleep.

The Invitation

4014

Peg was not up to this trip, she wished to stay home. How interesting could a restored sixty-year-old steam locomotive be? Although Peg and I have done everything together, this trip to Ogden, UT, was more than her age and infirmities would comfortably allow.

My wife and I have had a love affair from the beginning; I am ten years younger than her, now our physical abilities are out of sync.

Peg suggested I ask Margie to go with me for company, and to help me with the fall-out from my frequent and violent nightmares. We have known Margie for ten years; she is younger than I, and in good health. Her presence on the trip would be greatly appreciated. I would pick up all the expenses, the trip would not cost Margie any money; she was doing me the favor.

I met Margie through a close friend who knew that I struggled with my past. With a Bachelor and Master’s degree in Social Work, for over thirty years, Margie has worked with people from dysfunctional, abusive situations. Because of her background, she was perfect for me. Slowly, trust grew via frequently exchanged emails and talking on the phone. Her understanding of the effects of child abuse on a man’s mental health kept me close to her.

If Margie decided the trip was not for her, I would not go. That would have been a great disappointment to me. A complete restoration of a steam locomotive of this size had never been attempted before and this would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me. 

4014 is the largest steam locomotive in the world to be restored to full working condition. I couldn’t believe my good fortune when I read the locomotive would come out of restoration and be on public display in Ogden, UT in May 2019.

4014 would arrive in Ogden to help with the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the hammering of the Golden Spike, joining the east and west railroads at Promontory Point.

Originally, I made my initial request to Margie by phone; she suggested I come over for tea to explore the idea in greater detail. She had not completely ruled out going, however, steam locomotives were not a big interest to her.

Margie might go as a special favor to Peg and me. I was hoping she would find interesting things to do in Ogden while I was busy viewing the train. I am too young to stop going to interesting places and events.

I had to admire Margie’s spunk in considering spending four days in the company of a man she didn’t know all that well. 

Margie said she would go online to the Union Pacific site and look at the events planned for that special weekend in Ogden. To my surprise, after doing some research, she seemed enthusiastic about the trip – the walkable town, and the celebration fair.

There was one big decision for the two of us to make, the sleeping accommodations.

The purpose of Margie going was not only for the companionship, but also to help me in the middle of the night, which would not work unless I could book a suite with two separate but connecting sleeping areas. If I got in trouble, Margie would throw me a lifeline.

This was to be a pleasure trip, a good night’s sleep in a nice hotel was part of my plan.

            “Okay, I’ll go,” Margie had said.

            “See there,” Angel said. “Everything always works out if you believe it will.” That’s why I love Angel and why she was always nearby.

The next morning in the Ogden hotel coffee shop

            “I heard you last night. Why didn’t you get me up?” Margie’s concern was evident in the caring way she asked the question.

            “I should have, I have trouble asking for help, but you know that.”

            “That’s why I am here. Tell me about it, don’t hold back.”

            “Well, let me sit for a bit and sip my coffee.”

Lovers

Lovers

He opened the patio door. The smell of the early summer arrived with the heat of the afternoon. A wind stirred along the tree line bending the golden grass in the adjacent field, a hot wind, dryer than the day before. He had little clothing on. He lingered in the open doorway letting the air wash the moisture from his body, remembering, a year ago, when they spent the summer together.

The same hot, dry air rode into the room and washed over her body as she lay naked on his bed. He could see the soft curls of her hair move with the breeze, she stirred gently, he stared at her intently, trying to absorb the completeness that was her body. He was so much in love with her. She had been crying; the stain of her tears still on her cheeks; the wetness of their love on her thighs.