{"id":792,"date":"2020-06-02T14:42:34","date_gmt":"2020-06-02T14:42:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angelchroniclestories.com\/chronicle\/?p=792"},"modified":"2020-06-03T17:55:21","modified_gmt":"2020-06-03T17:55:21","slug":"ogden","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.angelchroniclestories.com\/chronicle\/ogden\/","title":{"rendered":"Ogden"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

4014<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asthma<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was gasping for breath. What caused this? I\nthought to myself. It\u2019s that dream, the dream I\u2019m drowning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Margie and I had a deal. If I got in trouble\nduring the night, I was to wake her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up with you?\u201d <\/em> Angel asked\nmind to mind, as she alighted on the bed. Angel has been part of my daily life\nfor seven decades, a gift given to me by the Universe. She pops in and out of\nmy day faster than a steam locomotive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m in serious trouble,\u201d <\/em>I answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you wake her?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know, I know,\u201d <\/em>I said, becoming more worried as time went on.\n\u201cIt must be the altitude out here, and the stress of the flight, I haven\u2019t\nbeen breathing this<\/em> poorly for years. I didn\u2019t suspect my asthma would\nbe an issue.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the hallmarks of coming from a\ndysfunctional\/abusive childhood home is being independent to a fault. Now my\npropensity not to ask for help could derail the trip I am so looking forward\nto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rhythm of Margie\u2019s breathing changed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh no, did I wake her?\u201d<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a long day of walking back and forth to\nthe train station and seeing the sights of the celebration in Ogden, Margie\nwould need a good night\u2019s sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGet your rescue inhaler!\u201d <\/em>Angel asserted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I reached out to the nightstand and found my\nflashlight, the one with the lanyard, the one I keep especially for this\npurpose, the purpose of lighting my way in unfamiliar surroundings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Using my elbows to help me slide to the\nheadboard, I put a pillow behind me and sat up. By this time, I was taking\nrapid, shallow breaths. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat kind of breathing must stop, you\u2019ll\nhyperventilate. Sit on the side of the bed and catch your breath.” <\/em>I listened to Angel\u2019s gentle guidance; Angel’s my Intuition.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding my emergency inhaler on the\nnightstand, I made several deep inhalations of Albuterol. It wouldn\u2019t take too\nmany minutes for the inhaler\u2019s medicines to work. In the meantime, I formulated\nthe plan: If my normal breathing couldn\u2019t be restored by the inhaler, I would\nwake Margie, get dressed, and call 911.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the past, I practiced a regular breathing\nexercise called `boxing my breath,’ <\/em>a process of taking\nin a breath for several seconds, holding my breath, exhaling and holding my\nbreath again, over and over, at least four times. This usually restored my\nnormal rate of breathing.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not the\nlack of air that is the total problem, panic leads to hyperventilation and\npossibly passing out. I don\u2019t panic easily, or at least I haven\u2019t, despite the\nmany difficult adverse experiences of my past. I pride myself on this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pride goes\nbefore the fall.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t do\nwell alone – especially at night, I never have. My recently acquired adult\nasthma added another layer to my nightly discomfort and convinced me that I needed help from those I love and\ntrust. No more macho-superman stuff for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carefully\nrising from the bed, I steadied myself against the wall and made my way into\nthe bathroom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I closed the\nbathroom door and turned on the light. Finding my long-acting cortisone spray,\nI took two deep puffs and held my breath to the count of ten after each one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are\nmiracle drugs, I thought to myself. Within moments my breathing became less\nlabored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho is this\nman?\u201d<\/em> I said out loud to Angel who was standing\nbeside me as I looked into the vanity mirror. I always wondered if the person I\nsaw in the mirror was really me. Looks are always so deceptive.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s you,\ndon\u2019t worry you\u2019ll be fine. I am with you. Believe in me, you are loved.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although I\ncould not see Angel, I felt her presence. I sat on the toilet lid. My breathing\nslowed and my lightheadedness passed. I turned out the light and quietly opened\nthe bathroom door and made my way back to bed. Sitting upright, I listened for\nMargie. Her breathing rhythm seemed normal. I sat up for an hour; for you see,\nremnants of the nightmare are still flooding through my veins and now I am in\nwhat I call ‘the zone,’ an in-between area, the nightmare and the real world.\nAnd I ask myself, which is the worse of two evils – a night without sleep or a\ndouble nightmare night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After 60 long\nminutes, I felt better, rolled flat and fell asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nInvitation<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4014 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Peg was not up to this trip, she wished to stay home. How interesting could a restored sixty-year-old steam locomotive be? Although Peg and I have done everything together, this trip to Ogden, UT, was more than her age and infirmities would comfortably allow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife and I have had a love affair from the beginning; I am ten years younger than her, now our physical abilities are out of sync. <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peg suggested\nI ask Margie to go with me for company, and to help me with the fall-out from\nmy frequent and violent nightmares. We have known Margie for ten years; she is\nyounger than I, and in good health. Her presence on the trip would be greatly\nappreciated. I would pick up all the expenses, the trip would not cost Margie\nany money; she was doing me the favor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I met Margie\nthrough a close friend who knew that I struggled with my past. With a Bachelor\nand Master’s degree in Social Work, for over thirty years, Margie has worked\nwith people from dysfunctional, abusive situations. Because of her background,\nshe was perfect for me. Slowly, trust grew via frequently exchanged emails and\ntalking on the phone. Her understanding of the effects of child abuse on a\nman\u2019s mental health kept me close to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Margie\ndecided the trip was not for her, I would not go. That would have been a great\ndisappointment to me. A complete restoration of a steam locomotive of this size\nhad never been attempted before and this would be a once-in-a-lifetime\nexperience for me.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4014 is the\nlargest steam locomotive in the world to be restored to full working condition.\nI couldn\u2019t believe my good fortune when I read the locomotive would come out of\nrestoration and be on public display in Ogden, UT in May 2019. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4014 would\narrive in Ogden to help with the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the hammering\nof the Golden Spike, joining the east and west railroads at Promontory Point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n